And that’s really all that matters, to quote the lovely Jess Ray.
There are some days I struggle to understand that I am loved, not because people do not show me, but because something in my mind has been wired to look for the hidden meaning, to wonder if it’s a test, to assume the worst, to look for ill intent, all so that I can protect myself. Because I rely on me.
This is a realization I have only recently come to. And believe me, I am working on it. This issue is multi-layered and more complicated than just not trusting people.
My husband knows I’m working on this and he is the biggest supporter. In the midst of my intentional study and attempts to change the way I think, to begin to assume the best case scenario or at the least that people mean well, he completely surprised me.
He helped my sister and my best friend to come visit me for an entire weekend of birthday shenanigans to kick off 29. We had a lovely date night on Thursday, a peaceful morning on Friday, and then suddenly, at brunch, there are my girls! We had a whole day of exploring Sugarhouse, showing them the house and the local coffee shop, taking pictures and a lovely walk at the nearest park. A dinner and hours of goofy sing alongs at the piano bar, a late night of laughter and good friends. Saturday was a girl’s day, kicked off by sleeping in and having tea and sleepy morning conversations, followed by brunch, visiting my friend’s uncle, showing the girls Park City, meeting back up with my husband to eat dinner at one of our new favorite Mexican restaurants, then a late but relaxing night of braids, face masks, goofy shows and deep conversation. The next morning we rallied and my husband and I made us all breakfast and he made us mochas before we showed them our church and enjoyed worshipping and listening to a great teaching together. We introduced them to our Utah friends, we got lunch at Shake Shack, showed them Temple Square, The Gateway, and Liberty Park, and ended the day by having everyone, new and old friends alike, join us at home for pizza and crepe cake, amidst more deep and beautiful conversations with the most wonderful people that I love so dearly.
My heart is entirely full.
It’s hard to assume ill intent when everyone just went behind your back to see you smile.
My heart is so. Full.
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