I need to figure it out

Emotions are so complicated. They are not always indicative of the full reality of what’s going on, yet they are indicators. Sometimes it all breaks down to one core emotion and sometimes it’s five that seem to take turns and sometimes they all jump in at once.

So if you’re in a place where you want to check out your own heart, start asking yourself “what is motivating me right now?” Is it fear? Love? Anger? Excitement? Indifference? All of them somehow?

Therapy is hard but it’s worth it. After an exhaustingly wonderful weekend that included a therapy session, pie, the Barbie movie, a symphony in the mountains, a double date and some good German food, Indian food with our Swedish friends, two different churches in the same day, the great whale, a panic attack, a bloody nose, sleeping in, getting up early, and spending lots of quality time with my favorite person…I am full and empty and feeling better and very drained and have a better idea of my head and yet I am full of confusion, and I’m not going to lie: I wish I had tomorrow off too, as much as I love my job.

It was an excellent weekend. And I am further than I was. And I am exhausted.


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