“Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?)”
1 Timothy 3:1-5 (NIV)
I came across this passage the other day. I’ve heard it several times, read it several times. I know it’s the right thing; it just makes sense. Of course this is what leadership should be. Those last few verses, though, stood out. A leader must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, doing so in a manner worthy of full respect. It caused me to recall many parents I had seen growing up, and even after I was grown.
So many parents have little to no control over their children’s behavior. Sometimes they don’t seem to care that their kids are running amuck, causing chaos. The parents I first thought of, though, were the ones who had such little say in their child’s behavior that at the first sign of disobedience or trouble, the screaming would begin. I mean the sharp shout, the deep voice, the way the child’s name is said with all the fury of hell kind of screaming. I wouldn’t say this is ever an okay way to speak to someone, except perhaps if you’d told them ten times not to run into traffic and they had done it an eleventh time. Even then, this is the kind of fearful anger that comes out when a parent knows no other way to cause their child to pay attention and listen. I have heard this voice used at the first sign of disobedience, at the first wayward step, the first pouty face. One wrong move and hell comes out.
This is not a manner worthy of full respect.
“If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?” So many leaders are burnt out by serving the church. So many leaders have sacrificed the sacred duty to their family in favor of what they feel is their sacred duty to the church. In reality, managing your family well, and not just to snap to and be perfect, but to be healthy and whole, to be godly because you have taken care of them in a manner worthy of full respect: that is your top priority, just under cultivating a rich and personal relationship with God to serve Him well.
Many people say the highest calling for a woman is to be a wife and a mother. In reality, the highest calling for a Christian is first to serve the Lord, then to serve your spouse if you are married, then to serve the family you build together, and lastly: to serve the church. This is the responsibility of both men and women, yes, but this passage in particular seems to be referring to men. Whether it is tending to each other in such love, in such Christ-like care that everyone cannot help but see the love of Christ around you, or it is tending to each other and your children so well, in such Christ-like love and proper teaching that everyone cannot help but see that you are healthy, that you are whole…this is the second highest calling for men and women called to marriage, but especially men. Whether children are there or not. Whether you serve at church or not.
And I think you should serve at church! But you should not step up to serve at church if you have not stepped up to serve at home. Live in a manner worthy of full respect. Love in a manner worthy of full respect. Live as Christ did, love as Christ does. Get your priorities in godly order. Then look into serving outside the home.
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